


always wanting more; trapped my attention

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: High School AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-05-28 08:51:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6322897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>they meet through a mutual friend. (that mutual friend happens to be the infamous mark c. eshleman.)</p><p>
  <i>you have my attention; you're cutting through the silence; cutting through my heart</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one; feels like i only go backwards

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the_great_fish_nipple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_great_fish_nipple/gifts).



> this was supposed to be a one-shot but i'm a piece of shit and i hate myself
> 
> i'd like to gift this one to my friend destery  
> i know we don't talk as much but i still love you to the moon and back. you've helped me through so much, both with my writing and just me as a person, and you mean a lot to me. i'm so glad i had the good fortune to have met you, and i thought i'd express that best through what i do most; my writing!
> 
> [ title - tiger teeth by paper route ]

they meet through a mutual friend.

well, a mutual acquaintance, if you’re asking josh’s side of the story; a mutual friend, if you’re asking tyler’s. but the specificity of the details aren’t necessary, really.

that mutual friend happens to be the infamous mark c. eshleman.

he’s josh’s sort-of friend, acquaintance, freshman year biology lab partner, whatever. he used to talk to him during fifth period biology when he’d be trying not to pass out over whatever they’d be dissecting on that day, in between the times mark would try to get him to laugh or poke fun at him for being squeamish; sometimes, he talked to him in the halls, and he would always deny mark’s invitations to hang out after school to play video games.

it’s a conscious choice, not because his mom said he couldn’t. he’s not good with people and he prefers to stick to himself to avoid being unbearably, horribly awkward; he’s pretty sure that mark only invites him to actually do things because he sees him sit alone at lunch. that, and the one time mark actually did sit with him, and he made josh laugh so hard he snorted his chocolate milk and almost ended up choking to death.

on the other hand, mark is tyler’s best friend since fifth grade, first kiss, first homecoming date, first break-up. they started ‘ _dating’_ , if you could even call it that, at the end of freshman year and ended up breaking up a week later. all because mark figured out he was ‘straighter than his aim’ (tyler neglects to mention he has shitty aim), and it breaks tyler’s heart, but he learns to get over it. even if he cries for two hours straight in his bedroom on the day that mark calls it quits.

he’s over it by the time sophomore year rolls around. he’s had all summer to mope. it stings sometimes when he sees mark chatting up pretty blondes by his locker or in the lunchroom, but he’s over him, he swears.

they meet on the second day of sophomore year. tyler’s overwhelmed with his schedule and his new shitty teachers and the fact that he already has an armful of homework; he’s nearly pulling his own hair out when mark traipses his way over to his locker right before fourth period. he half expects another girl to be hanging off his arm like yesterday, but it’s quite contrarily the opposite.

“hey, ty,” mark chirps, and tyler ignores the fact that only his mother calls him ty because it’s _mark_.

“hi,” tyler responds as he yanks out the first book his fingers touch, hoping it’s his geometry book, as that’s what he’d come for. he closes his locker, turning to face him.

he absolutely _blanches_.

not a girl at all. nope, a boy that’s an inch or two shorter than mark with floppy brown hair falling into his eyes and a smile wide enough that it might just break his entire face in half. he’s fidgeting with his hands as he stares right back at tyler; he finally gathers enough of his wits to close his jaw from where it’s been hanging open, swallowing nervously.

mark has the most shit-eating grin on his face tyler has ever seen. he offers a quick smile to the now-confused looking boy and tips him a wave, immediately regretting his decision because why would he be _waving_ at him when he’s literally six inches away? but he doesn’t seem to mind, only glances at mark before looking back to tyler and waving back, still smiling big and bright.

“ _this_ ,” mark says, loudly, gesturing to him with a sweeping gesture as he juts his hip out, “is josh. we were lab partners last year and i wanted you to meet him.” he adds after a pause, in a faux-stage whisper complete with a hand cupped around his mouth, “he needs _friends_.”

“hi,” josh greets in the tiniest voice ever imaginable, elbowing mark in the ribs as he scowls in mock-anger.

and wow, okay, tyler wasn’t aware that his heart could flutter this much. it’s been so long since he’s felt it do such a thing, and he vaguely remembers it feeling like this when he first met _mark_. he can’t help it; josh has entrancing eyes and such a nice smile and god, what a pretty voice he has – he’s only said one word and tyler never wants him to stop speaking ever again.

mark is still grinning like a douche bag while tyler flounders for the right words. his mouth suddenly feels too dry and he can’t seem to process anything other than his pulse racing in his ears; fuck, kid’s _adorable_.

“hi,” tyler finally manages to squeak out, and god, he hates himself sometimes. “i’m tyler.”

“josh has fourth period with you and me this year,” mark barrels on, ignoring tyler’s obvious discomfort; his grin never wavers as he casually slings an arm around _josh’s_ shoulders, and josh bursts into a lilting giggle.

tyler’s heart fucking _stops_ cold in its beating, and then continues at twice the normal rate. fuck, fuck, fuck; how can one person be so cute? even his laughter makes tyler’s heart flip weird, and his eyes are so wide he’s afraid they’re about to pop out of his own skull.

 _calm down, joseph, you can handle a cute boy._ an extremely cute boy, at that, but he’s done it before and he can do it a thousand more times.

mark quirks an eyebrow at tyler’s lack of response. “geometry,” he says, monotonous, as if tyler’s forgotten already and retelling him will somehow jog his memory. “with mrs. –“

“mark, i know,” tyler interrupts, glaring at him. “the bell’s about to ring, i was just getting my book.”

he gestures to the book in his hand, and mark gives him a weird look while josh badly suppresses a giggle, looking between the two in mild confusion.

tyler burns with embarrassment. he hesitantly lowers his eyes to the book; it’s not his geometry book. it’s actually his world studies book, unfortunately, and his cheeks only glow redder as he chances a glance at josh’s face. his smile is still just as big, and his eyes are filled with laughter, and tyler is an idiot.

he must’ve grabbed the wrong one when mark had approached in his hurry. he hurriedly turns back to his locker and begins redoing the code into the padlock, blushing furiously as mark leans against the other lockers, tugging at josh’s wrist for him to come closer.

mark is snickering, and tyler scowls as he yanks open his locker and shoves the book back in. he grabs the right one, double checks that it’s the one for geometry, and slams it back closed, tugging it close to his chest.

he’s still fucking blushing, and mark has the audacity to lean in close and pinch his cheek.

“come on, bell’s gonna ring,” he chimes, sauntering off in the direction of their next classroom before tyler can shove him away.

tyler huffs a sigh as he reshoulders his bag and chances a look at josh. he seems to have a permanent smile affixed to his face, and he’s looking right at tyler; tyler’s eyes involuntarily widen, and his blush only grows more furious.

“it’s nice to meet you,” josh mumbles in that shy, sweet voice of his, toeing at the linoleum floor with the edge of his combat boot. tyler glances down, red and hot, and notes that josh must be an inch or two shorter without the boots on.

“nice to meet you, too,” he finally manages to get out, nearly choking on his own spit as he finally meets josh’s gaze.

josh wrinkles his nose before offering up another bright smile and heading after mark; tyler gives a sluggish sigh before moving after them.

the bell rings right as he walks through the door, and he can already tell that geometry was going to be absolute hell.


	2. two; i can never get it right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ title - tiger teeth by paper route ]

geometry turns into a staring contest between tyler and mark instead of actually doing any work.

unless you’re josh dun, of course. tyler learns that his last name is dun from mark, because he’s an invasive asshole with no concept of personal space; josh doesn’t seem to mind, always supplying whatever information mark happens to ask for with a happy smile. he’s a hard-worker, tyler can tell, leaned over his paper as he scribbles down notes and nods every now and then in response to one of mrs. peterson’s (many, many, many) questions.

they got to choose their seats for the first week, and tyler and mark had sat together for the first day because he wasn’t aware of josh’s existence; but the second day rolled around, and josh actually _does_ exist – fortunately or not, he’s not sure. fortunately because he’s good-looking, unfortunately because he makes tyler’s heart do weird shit.

basically, mark abandons tyler for his newfound best friend.

he might be exaggerating. they take the row in front of tyler and tyler sits by himself because he virtually has no friends aside from mark, other than dallon, brendon, ryan, pete, and patrick, but the other five don’t share this period with him. he has brendon and dallon during study hall, which is a blast, and pete and patrick during second hour; it’d be better if pete wasn’t constantly trying to grope patrick under the desks. he has first with ryan, which is generally boring because they have such a terribly strict teacher.

but that doesn’t stop mark from turning around every five seconds to glare at tyler for god knows what reason with the same shit-eating smirk as always; he does it for as long as he can without mrs. peterson catching on while josh actually does his work by his side, and it’s driving tyler absolutely insane.

it’s getting to the point where he actually wants to physically fight mark. they’ve only gotten in a fist fight once, and tyler accidentally ended up breaking mark’s nose; he’d cried about it for hours, but was it really even tyler’s fault? the other boy’s nose is as sharp and wide as a raven’s beak, so it’s a fairly easy target.

he doesn’t even remember what the fight was about.

he’s still trying to remember when mrs. peterson dismisses the lesson and allows the class to do group work on the homework. he knows that’s not going to happen, just by the way mark is looking at him as he spins his chair around and throws his upper body across his desk.

“why are you ignoring my texts?” is the first thing out of his mouth.

tyler raises an eyebrow, unaware that he’d been texted, when it dawns on him – “my phone’s on silent,” he explains sheepishly as he pulls it out of his pocket. “didn’t want to get it taken away.”

sure enough, as he turns his ringer on, it buzzes with three new texts.

(12:48 pm) _mark_

_are you mad at me_

_tyler_

_answer ur phone_

_TYLER_

tyler snorts as his eyes flick over his screen. “no, i’m not mad at you. why would i be mad?”

“be _cause_ ,” mark sighs, drawing out the last syllable, “you like josh –“

“mark!” tyler sharply interrupts. “i do not –“

“yeah?” another voice chimes into the conversation. josh is leaning over the back of his chair, another smile affixed to his face; he must have heard his name being said, tyler realizes, and he can only manage to stare wide-eyed at him.

“josh!” mark grins easily, and tyler knows the look in his eyes almost as well as he knows the back of his hand. “tyler wanted to know if you wanted to come over to his house after school to play video games.”

oh, tyler hates him.

tyler really hates him.

he swallows, scowling, and mark grins deviously at him.

josh looks between them both, sweeping brown hair out of his eyes with one hand before shrugging, shooting a little smile at tyler. “sure,” he agrees. “text me your address?” he pauses, almost as if realizing tyler doesn’t even have his number, before tearing a scrap of paper out of his notebook and scribbling something on it.

he pushes it on to tyler’s desk before turning back to his work, and tyler hesitantly picks it up. josh’s number is scrawled in halfway neat print, and tyler merely stares blankly at it.

“well,” mark clicks his tongue, and tyler looks up to glare at him. he adds, in hushed tones so josh won’t accidentally overhear him, “i got you a cute boy’s number. you should thank me.”

“i should strangle you,” tyler sighs, and it’s louder than intended.

mark flips him off, and tyler clicks the power button on his phone, scrolling over to the messaging screen and hurriedly typing in josh’s number.

he debates for a good five minutes about what to _say_. it’s almost time for the bell to ring to get out of class when he finally decides on something short and simple, sweet and straight to the point.

(1:50 pm) _(614) 297-8602_

_hey_

another vibration sounds through the room; tyler watches as josh glances at mark before shuffling back in his chair and fishing through his pocket, yanking out his own phone. he looks at the screen for a moment, pulling a face that looks confused, before typing and hitting send.

tyler’s phone buzzes in his hand.

(1:51 pm) _(614) 300-6882_

_who’s this_

tyler actually snorts at that, and both josh and mark glance up to look at him curiously; josh breaks into a smile, huffing a laugh of his own when he realizes who’s texting him.

“is this you?” he asks, gesturing to his phone, and his smile only grows when tyler nods. “oh, man. i’m dumb.”

mark huffs a laugh just as the bell rings, shattering their nice moment, and josh hurriedly begins to grab his backpack. he pauses before leaving just as mark nudges his shoulder, looking at tyler for a moment before saying, “see you after school.”

and then, he’s tugged away by mark and into a sea of swarming bodies.

tyler blushes all the way to his seat in fifth period.


	3. three; do i wanna know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's my birthday i'm so excited
> 
> [ title - do i wanna know? by arctic monkeys ]

fifth period is, unfortunately, study hall.

with brendon fucking urie, resident stoner and all-around asshole.

most of the time, tyler isn’t fond of brendon. he’s loud, and he’s callous, and he’s abrasive, and he’s invasive; he’s pretty much everything tyler is not, all wrapped up tight in some neat little five-foot-nine package.

a shitty package tyler doesn’t ever feel like dealing with, especially right now. he’s decided that today has been a weird day, and he knows he doesn’t need any of brendon’s antics. he’s unlucky, because he’s getting them anyways.

“you’re red,” brendon comments as he collapses into the chair next to tyler; his sunglasses are pulled down low over his eyes, but he doesn’t reek like weed as per usual, so tyler takes it he’s not stoned. just enough of an asshole to wear sunglasses indoors.

“and you’re sober,” tyler remarks, because he figures they’re stating the obvious.

“funny.” brendon kicks his legs up into tyler’s lap, and he doesn’t have the energy to move them. he lazily laces his fingers behind his head and waits for him to speak, but when he doesn’t, he merely raises an eyebrow and asks, “what’s got you all pathetic and sad-looking?”

tyler shrugs, leans back in his own chair and crosses his arms over brendon’s shins. even though he doesn’t exactly _like_ brendon, per se, he’s all but ready to launch into a spiel about how much he hates mark eshleman and how he has plans with a very cute boy after school, but a certain lanky six-foot-four baby giraffe takes the opportunity to stalk over to them and interrupt his train of thought.

dallon stoops, bending to kiss the top of brendon’s hair, before straightening out and smiling at tyler. it falters when tyler doesn’t smile back. “what’s up, my man?” he questions, in a soft, inquisitive voice. tyler’s never looked more pissed off than he does right now, and it’s mildly concerning.

before he can answer about how much he hates mark eshleman, brendon tilts his head back and flits his tongue out to wet his lips, purring, “hi, dal.”

dallon’s attention is immediately captivated by his boy, and his features blossom into a crooked smirk as he bends back down and captures brendon into a kiss that resembles something spiderman-esque.

no one even remembers when, exactly, the two became a thing; they were best friends longer than anyone else in the group, ever since dallon nearly knocked brendon out with a soccer ball in third grade p.e. class, but they started dating _somewhere_ around freshman year.

one minute, brendon’s the biggest fuckboy around (complete with every ‘no homo’ in context known to man), and the next, he has dallon pulled into his lap at lunch, busying himself with shallowly kissing the back of his neck.

offended at not being able to complain and only mildly jealous of their relationship, tyler wrinkles his nose and shoves brendon’s legs out of his lap; his feet hit the floor with a thud, but brendon merely shoots him a _look_ and resumes kissing his wonderful baby giraffe of a boyfriend.

dallon’s a cool guy, sure, but he’s dating brendon. something must be off in that head of his; maybe the high elevation got to his brain, or something. he snickers at his own joke and leans heavily against the table as the bell rings overhead, waiting for mr. graham to walk in and pry dallon and brendon away from each other like yesterday.

“good afternoon, class,” his teacher’s voice fortunately cuts through the air not even a second later, and dallon’s just pulling away from brendon when he sighs resignedly, calling, “boys, not appropriate.”

“sorry, teach,” brendon simpers, fixing his sunglasses as dallon walks around the table and pulls out the chair across from them.

“alright, get to work,” mr. graham instructs, and the class interrupts into a flurry of motion; tyler only shuffles his phone out of his pocket, surprised to see he has a new text message.

he habitually brings his thumb to his mouth, worrying the nail between sharp teeth as he reads who it’s from; none other than josh, who tyler can’t seem to bring his mind away from for even five seconds. he’s a hot mess, and it feels just like it did when he met mark during fifth grade. he’d had to harbor that crush for so _long_ , up until the end of freshman year, and he doesn’t ever want to go through it again. no matter how much he tries to convince himself he is, he definitely isn’t over mark, no matter how long it had been.

having a crush on josh is exactly the road he’s barreling down, and he’s coming over to his house after school.

fucked. he’s fucked.

he quickly saves his number in his phone as josh, for lack of anything better, and stares down at his new text.

(2:03 pm) _josh_

_this is tyler right_

he snorts around his thumb nail, tugging it away from his mouth to tap it on his chin. he carefully thinks over a response that won’t make him seem too over interested, or too enthusiastic to actually begin talking to the boy he’s found himself so enamored with after only less than an hour and a half of actually knowing him; collectively, they’ve probably only talked for under five minutes, and that’s a terrifying thought.

(2:04 pm) _tyler_

_yeah. this is josh right_

he looks over his response appraisingly before nodding, tapping send. it seems casual enough, and if he’s lucky, maybe josh will even find it funny; being funny doesn’t naturally come to tyler, like it does to brendon or dallon or mark. he’s got to put in an extra mile of effort for something that’s probably not even worth it.

he clicks the power button, killing the display, and sets his phone on the table; he stares at it for a moment, almost egging josh on to reply sooner without even realizing. the second he does, he berates himself for being ridiculous, shakes his head before turning to try and engage with his dumb friends.

somehow, brendon had crossed over to the other side of the table without tyler even realizing; him and dallon are sitting with their ankles locked together, heads bent as they quietly whisper to one another. dallon says something, corner of his lip quirked up smugly, and brendon blushes bright red before whining his name and roughly shoving at his shoulder. dallon’s smile only grows into a bright, winning grin.

tyler doesn’t want to know.

he turns his phone back on, and immediately feels a huge bubble of disappointment well up in his gut when he has no new text messages awaiting him. he not-so-secretly glares down at his phone, waiting for it to buzz in his hand, and he nearly lets out a very embarrassing squeaky sort of sound when it finally does signal a new text.

three, to be exact. tyler doesn’t know if his heart racing this fast will ever be healthy, or if he’ll ever get used to the feeling. it’s happening every time josh so much as _looks_ at him.

the screen lights up with josh’s name and tyler hurriedly swipes his phone over his screen, scanning the three new texts.

(2:07 pm) _josh_

_yeah its josh_

_sorry didn’t want to get caught_

_were you serious about hanging out with me_

a mixture of confusion and euphoria worms its way through tyler; he sorts through his emotions with a bit of difficulty, jumping to the first conclusions he can grasp. euphoria because hey, josh is _actually_ talking to him, and he _actually_ has an excuse as to why he was texting back a bit late. confusion because, while he wasn’t exactly the one who’d made the plans in the first place, he had the opportunity to get to know a cute boy and have him over at his house for the first time. why wouldn’t he be serious?

and then, he realizes, it might not be him. it might be a problem rooted within josh himself; maybe he thought he wasn’t good enough to hang out with people outside of school, or maybe there had been an issue with him going over to a friend’s house earlier in his life. it makes his heart ache some, and his posture wilts a little at the realization.

it only lasts a second, his thought process immediately going back to the fact that he gets to hang out with a cute boy. _even_ if mark is there. that dampens his mood some; he loves mark to death, but he knows he’s going to take every opportunity to embarrass him that he gets. tyler’s not even cute when he blushes, no matter how much mark likes to refute his claim.

he jolts when he realizes he’s been emptily staring at his phone rather than replying, quickly tapping out a response so josh doesn’t wonder what he’s been up to.

(2:08 pm) _tyler_

_why wouldn’t i be?_

the next two texts come in almost immediately after, and tyler’s happiness only grows more intense.

(2:08 pm) _josh_

_no reason_

_can i get your address though?_

tyler kicks his feet happily underneath the desk, squeezing his eyes shut as it rolls over him once again. plans with a cute boy, cute boy at his house after school, cute boy slowly becoming his _friend_ ; he reopens his eyes and tries to shove away some of his unbearable excitement. josh needs his address.

another realization kicks in; he walks home after school. why would josh even need his address? he snorts, slightly, as he taps out another response.

(2:10 pm) _tyler_

_you can walk with me and mark?_

it takes a good few seconds for josh to respond.

(2:11 pm) _josh_

_oh that’s a good idea_

_i think i’ll do that_

a happy bubble of laughter rises up in tyler’s throat. he hesitantly chokes it down, as he doesn’t need any prying questions from either dallon or brendon, lest they take it upon themselves to tell mark he’s been giggling and smiling stupidly at his phone for the past five minutes.

he sighs, running a hand through his hair as he taps out another reply with his free hand.

(2:11 pm) _tyler_

_see you after school?_

not even a second passes before josh replies, and tyler bites his lip to hold back yet another embarrassing noise.

(2:12 pm) _josh_

_see you after school :)_


	4. four; pretty lies, ugly truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ title - teen idle by marina and the diamonds ]

“where _is_ he?”

mark, with all of his imperfections, is also horrendously impatient.

tyler huffs, crossing his arms over his chest; he fights the urge to chew anxiously at his thumbnail in favor of tugging at a bit of hair curling over his ear. “would it kill you to be patient?” he murmurs softly, attempting not to be heard, but he forgets mark has unfortunately exceptional hearing.

“ _yes_ ,” he remarks.

tyler sighs.

they’re standing in front of the school, backpacks draped over shoulders and phones in hand as they wait for josh’s appearance so they can all head over to tyler’s house. he’s pretending to text someone, for lack of anything better to do, typing random numbers and symbols into a blank message before it hits him; he could text josh and see what’s taking him so long.

just as he types out a message that seems alright to him, mark looks up from his phone and sighs, “oh, there he is.”

tyler deletes the message before he looks up from his phone, half disappointed; he kills the display by clicking the power button and shoves it back into his pocket, hesitantly casting a glance at mark.

he’s grinning from ear to ear, arms crossed over his chest. tyler blushes a faint pink out of embarrassment, eyelashes fluttering over his cheeks as his lips curl into a frown. he drags his gaze away to the ground.

“hi, guys,” a new voice chimes, and tyler’s head pops back up as josh approaches; he stops right in front of tyler, and their eyes meet for a brief second. josh breaks into a big smile, and tyler hesitantly throws a tiny one of his own on his face, blush only growing more furious.

he’s sweating profusely, unruly hair curling over his forehead and flopping into his eyes. “sorry, got caught up in gym,” he adds, mopping the sweat away from his face with the back of his hand as he grins at tyler.

he can’t find it within himself to keep their gazes locked, because josh’s eyes are the color of honey and gold and oh, god, his stomach is in so many knots; he quickly moves his eyes away from josh’s face to stare at his own shoes, fingers tightening in his shirt in half-annoyance at mark, half-excitement at josh. he’s so screwed.

josh furrows his eyebrows in confusion, but it dissipates slowly as mark asks, “ready to get your ass kicked at mario kart?”

“more like i’m gonna be the one kicking your ass,” he retaliates with a hesitant grin as he fidgets with his damp hair, and it’s so lame, but it earns a chuckle from mark. he shyly glances over at tyler, and he’s smiling softly down at his shoes, scuffing at the concrete with the toe of his converse.

cute. he’s so, so cute. even with his head bent at the angle it’s at, he’s taller than josh by a few inches, and he watches in near-awe as tyler hesitantly reaches up to push a lock of fluffy hair back behind his own ear.

almost as if he can sense josh staring at him, he bashfully blinks chocolate-brown eyes over at him, his cheeks flushing a pretty shade of pink as he catches his eyes. josh can’t find it in himself to do anything but lopsidedly grin, and tyler flashes a crooked smile before he drags his eyes back down to his shoes.

“whatever, dude,” mark throws over his shoulder, already heading down the sidewalk and interrupting their brief moment. “c’mon. ty’s house is this way.”

“stop calling me that,” tyler interjects, a look of what josh can only describe as pure disgust crossing his face for half a second.

josh bubbles over into a short laugh, and tyler glances at him, looking ashamed; once he sees the smile on josh’s face, however, his anxiety melts away and he even finds it within himself to giggle.

“i kinda like ty,” josh admits quietly as he begins to walk, and tyler falls into step next to him, casting an anxious glance over at mark ahead of them. his head is bent, eyes locked on his phone, so he shrugs a little and turns back to josh. he tries to ignore how close they are, how he could so easily reach out and intertwine their fingers; it hardly works, as his mind strays and he wants to know what josh’s hands feel like.

would his skin be soft or rough? what would his palms feel like pressed against his?

he shakes his head slightly and swallows thickly, smiling awkwardly. why is he like this?

“my mom calls me ty,” he confesses, coupled with another shrug. “mark only calls me ty to piss me off.” he pauses, collecting his thoughts, before deciding to take a risk for once in his life. “i don’t – i don’t mind if you call me ty, though.”

josh cracks into a grin that’s stunning, breathtaking; tyler forgets how to breathe, walk, move, blink. he just stares at the brightness of his perfectly white teeth, and he wonders if he had braces once.

“ty,” josh whispers, his voice so quiet it disappears into the wind and carries away, but he nods once almost as if to afirm his words and stops walking. tyler hadn’t even realized he’d stopped, stock still, in the middle of the sidewalk; he was that entranced by the boy in front of him, and his bones feel like liquid. he can’t convince his legs to move.

he stupidly asks, “did you have braces?” before he falters, narrowing his eyes. why’d he have to go and say that? josh stands in front of him, half-turned, before he nods with another tiny smile.

“yeah, i did.” he doesn’t question why he’s been asked whether or not he’s had braces; he just embraces it, answers it truthfully. sixth grade was a difficult time for him, and he almost shudders at the memory of being called ‘train tracks’. tacky, really, but he’s always been so sensitive.

“oh,” tyler mumbles, just as quiet as josh was before, when he’d whispered his name; his heart beats a little faster, and he smiles uneasily before he decides to continue with, “your teeth are perfect – i was just – y’know.”

that makes josh smile even wider, and it’s a sight tyler couldn’t ever possibly get tired of seeing. a small seed of warmth plants itself deep within his chest, and it flowers and blooms, spreading inside him; they continue to look at each other, and tyler thinks about how pretty he is, standing in the sunlight. it hits his skin in all the right ways, turns his skin into something honey-gold. he’s beautiful.

he’d give anything to know what was on josh’s mind.

“shit, guys, i gotta go.” tyler was so wrapped up in staring at josh that he’d forgotten mark had even existed until he spoke up, phone in hand as he turns back to tyler and josh; he’s frowning, but there’s a certain glimmer in his eyes that reminds tyler that he’s not entirely being truthful. he knows his best friend all too well. “my mom called. she wants me home.”

“you’re such a piece of shit, mark,” tyler scoffs, anger flickering over his face for half a second before he remembers that josh would be watching him. he forces himself to smile like he’s joking, and he can see the unease that was previously on josh’s face flicker and fade as he understands it’s just a companionable joke.

mark rolls his eyes, a devious smirk crossing his features. “whatever. have fun.”

he barely gives tyler a second to even think that he’s now stuck alone with josh for the next god knows how many hours before he waves, crossing the street in a few swift movements; tyler sighs, hanging his head.

josh pauses, uncomfortably shifting his weight to his other foot. “are you – okay?”

tyler almost wants to cry, but instead he swallows and puts on what he hopes is his (cutest) most convincing smile. he has a boy to impress, and crying has certainly never impressed anyone; at least, not that he knows of. he’s not about to tempt fate. “yeah,” he chirps, uncharacteristically enthusiastic, but it seems to put josh more at ease. “uh, my house is just down this way.”

he gestures aimlessly with his hand, and josh laughs a little, following along as tyler begins to walk toward his house.

an awkward beat of silence ensues, as tyler isn’t sure what he wants to say and josh supplies nothing; but he can’t stand the quiet, and he has to say something to fill the void. “so,” he tries, lamely.

“so,” josh echoes as he falls into step next to him, and tyler smiles at his shoes, shouldering his bag up a little higher.

as much as he despises him at the current moment, tyler kind of wishes mark was around, just because he always knows what to say during awkward situations; he’s naturally charismatic, a skill tyler is endlessly envious of, as he doesn’t have it and it’s likely he never will.

but, unfortunately, he can’t think of anything to say to save his life. all he can think about is how pretty josh is, or how much he’d like to hold his hand, and he doesn’t think that those could possibly suffice as conversational topics without freaking him out somewhat; by the time they reach his street, josh is whistling softly to the tune of a song tyler has never heard, and he’s still drawing a complete blank.

he gives up entirely, picking up the pace until he’s almost-jogging toward his house; josh looks after him in confusion before matching his pace, having to _actually_ jog to ensure he’s keeping up with him.

he stops abruptly in front of one of the houses, knees quivering; josh fixes the shoulder strap of his bag, raising an eyebrow in confusion before it dawns on him that it’s most likely tyler’s house.

“well, this is it,” tyler murmurs, confirming his suspicions, and his voice is bordering on a nervous squeak when he mumbles, “uh, mi casa es – tu casa? however – you say that.” he trails off, and josh laughs at his side. he flushes scarlet at the sound, shuffling his feet as he only continues to further embarrass himself.

“mi casa es _su_ casa,” josh corrects, and it sounds so fluent rolling off his tongue that tyler pauses, starstruck; his mouth nearly betrays him by having him ask whether or not josh speaks spanish fluently. luckily, he clamps his jaw shut before he can stick his foot in his mouth again. josh almost looks ashamed, rubbing his forearm with a sheepish look as he mutters, “i took a spanish one class freshman year.”

“oh,” tyler mutters dumbly, finally turning toward the door and turning the handle; he slides it open and holds it for josh, who moves inside with a tiny ‘thank you’, glancing shyly around the new surroundings.

it’s very obvious, from the moment he steps foot inside, that tyler comes from a very different walk of life than he does. the carpets are unstained, the framed pictures on the walls unbroken, and it smells clean; it’s so different from his own home, and he glances around with wide eyes, nearly awe-stricken.

“my room’s upstairs,” tyler murmurs softly as he closes the door behind them. josh turns to him, forcing a smile on his face; he’s never been so far out of his comfort zone, but the door’s already closed. it’s too late for him to fake an emergency call from his mother and ditch out on tyler. “my parents are at work, but i think my brother might be home. d’you want something to drink?”

“sure,” josh breathes, still feeing completely out of place and more aw-stricken than ever. he can’t even breathe. he’s made a terrible mistake.

tyler grins crookedly, cocking his head toward a doorway down the hall off to the right and somehow miraculously missing josh’s too-obvious discomfort. “alright,” he says, already walking backwards toward the doorway, beckoning to josh with a finger, “follow me.”

and josh follows.

he’d follow him anywhere.


	5. five; down to my skin & bones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ title - EASE by troye sivan ]

the kitchen’s sheer _cleanliness_ frightens josh.

he timidly steps foot in the bright room after tyler, and he wonders if it would have been better if he had taken his shoes off so as to not disturb anything; it’s so pristine, so beautifully well-kept that he feels immediately out of place and dirty. he pauses in the entrance way, glancing around the good-sized kitchen and taking everything in at once with wide eyes.

the room is fairly square, with painted walls so immaculately white they’re nearly blinding; décor hangs on the walls at random intervals, dulling the brightness some. there’s a few pictures frames set in collages, and declarations proclaiming faith, hope, trust, love, family, and laughter in cursive script; he smiles to himself, knowing the walk of life tyler’s family came from well.

his house used to have those, too, when his mom was still a practicing christian; they’re long since gone and shattered, dumped in the trashcan alongside the memories they’d carried. they couldn’t withstand the amount of broken bottles and various objects that had been thrown at them; he can’t remember the amount of times he had rehung them back on the walls after they’d fallen to the floor, only to break more and more with each drop. josh remembers sweeping up the broken shards of glass and portrait frames that were decorated with the same six words for the last time, and a lump forms in his throat.

dragging his eyes away, he takes in the rest of the room; the kitchen table is situated neatly up against the opposite wall from the entrance way, in front of a large bay window with maroon curtains pulled aside to let the light flood through into the room. on top of the table’s surface is a framed picture, depicting a small blonde girl sitting in the lap of a younger version of tyler; the frame is simple, wooden and square, but at the bottom the word ‘family’ is engraved into the wood. his family used to have frames like those, too; he aches at the thought of when he’d had to clean up the broken picture frame that had once held a photo of him and all of his siblings.

glancing around, josh can see that there’s even a medium-sized chalkboard hanging on the fridge amongst other pictures of tyler’s family. he squints, and he can see scrawled messages in handwriting ranging from neat, blocky print to flowing, elegant cursive and chickenscratch that’s hardly legible written all over the surface.

next to the fridge is the counters and cupboards, nestled comfortably and warmly into the corner; there’s a small window above the kitchen sink, peering into the backyard. he doesn’t mean to pry, really, but he keeps his curiosity at bay as he pokes his head around the doorframe to see better. his house is exactly what josh would expect, considering the neighborhood he lives in; it’s just that typical for a middle class family. there’s a white picket fence, a couple of kids judging by the pictures hanging on the fridge, maybe even a dog he had yet to meet.

and now, he sees, there’s even a treehouse in the backyard.

he’s never known such luxury, and his eyes widen upon the sight of it; he can’t help his breath catching awkwardly in his throat as he stares at the treehouse. distantly, he recalls begging for one as a kid back when his dad was alive, but he was too busy to ever consider building one and he’d died before they’d really gotten the chance to think seriously about making one together.

his throat tightens, and he drops his gaze from the window, situating his eyes on tyler.

he doesn’t belong here.

everything in his mind is screaming for him to get away from this forsaken place as he watches tyler sweep into the kitchen before him, leading the way further into his house. it’s alarming, just how far different the roof he stands under now is from the place josh has always unwillingly, forebodingly called _home_ ; tyler is an ethereal presence in the room alone, capturing all of josh’s attention, all lanky limbs and tall stature. josh has the audacity to expect him to be _clumsy_ , because of just how much he towers over him, but he happens to move in a way that is fluid and flowing, without any fault or mistake to be found. he is elegant, graceful, in a way josh has never witnessed. it leaves him breathless.

he swallows past the lump in his throat, reluctantly disobeying every thought yelling in his mind for him to leave because it’s wrong of him to be here; carefully, hesitantly, he pushes away the negativity shrouding his thoughts, focusing on what’s rational with a great bout of difficulty. tyler hasn’t shown any inkling that he’s out to do anything of the sorts of hurting him, and he’d like to get to know the boy better, whatever the cost happened to be.

but not listening to himself has never resulted in anything _good_ , and a strong feeling of unease worms its way through his gut as he stands in the entrance to the kitchen, merely watching the boy in front of him glide over to the far end of the room. he refuses to step in any further out of the fear of breaking or dirtying anything, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans to keep himself contained as best as he possibly can.

a soft _creak_ resonates around the room as tyler opens up a cupboard; reaching up for the cups, it barely comes as a surprise to josh that he’s tall enough he doesn’t even have to stand on his tip-toes to reach the very top shelf, like josh has to at his own home.

even with as tall as he is, what he’s looking for is just a little out of reach; leaning as close as he can possibly get, he rests sharp-edged hipbones on the rim of the counter, and his t-shirt rides up some. it’s pulled up enough that a sliver of skin is exposed under the hem of the grey fabric; josh doen’t mean to look, but his eyes trail lower without a second thought and he quietly, thoughtfully looks over the tiny piece of skin he can see.

he’s tanned, even in the places where the sun doesn’t touch on a _normal_ day, the places where clothing cover skin; he blinks softly, fondly, before deciding that maybe, he’s a little creepy for staring at him for so long. heat creeps up his throat and into his face, and he can feel his cheeks flush pink as he drags his gaze away from the tiny, delectable section of tyler’s bare skin. he blames the thought of wanting to know what it tastes like under his tongue on the fact that he’s a teenage boy, and it only makes his blush grow more furious.

it’s too quiet in the kitchen; there’s no sound except for josh’s heart beating in his ears too fast to be healty and the clink of glass as tyler rummages through the cupboard he’s opened.

his mind tells him to speak, say something to fill the void that has fallen between them; this time, he manages to obey, because it’s not a hard command to follow. his voice is hoarse when he finds it in himself to squeak, “your home is beautiful, tyler.”

tyler pauses, arms still outstretched, and he pokes his head out from around the edge of the cupboard to look at josh with curiosity glinting in his eyes. his lips upturn in a crooked smile and he breathlessly huffs out a laugh, shaking his head fondly; his own voice is just as tiny as josh’s, barely a whisper, when he responds, “thank you.”

his head dips back behind the cupboard, but josh can see a tinge of pink painted across his cheekbones right before he moves away; he smiles to himself, satisfied that he’s not the only one blushing, as he nervously shuffles his feet. his palms clench and unclench into tiny fists where they’re shoved in his pockets; tyler’s had his head buried inside the cupboard for an unidentifiable amount of time that feels too long for normality, and the seconds only stretch out longer as the clinking of glass becomes a little more prominent.

tyler lets out a little ‘a-ha’ sort of noise, and josh straightens up immediately, worry beginning to seep into the edges of his mind that he’d already somehow managed to do something incorrect; instead, however, his body begins to sag in relief as tyler pulls back and closes the cupboard with another tiny creaking sound, a stack of red cups in one hand.

“sorry, i had to get the plastic ones from the back,” he amends, gesturing to the stacked cups in his hand; his tongue flits out to wet his lips, and the corner quirks up into a tiny smile when he notices josh still standing in the entrance way of his kitchen, hunched over on himself with wide-set eyes. he bites back a chuckle, smile growing brighter as he cocks his head and murmurs, “you don’t have to stand there looking scared.”

a noncommittal noise slips past josh’s lips. he wants to insist that he can’t step a single inch closer, that it’s wrong of him to even _consider_ being in the presence of someone who comes across as so holy and pure when he’s such a filthy, disgraced monster; but he can’t say that, because tyler wouldn’t understand.

attempting to swallow down his apprehension, josh puts on a smile that he’s sure looks too forced, sure that tyler will be able to see right through his flimsy façade; the strong urge to vomit from either fear at the unfamiliarity of his surroundings or abhorrence at himself crawls through his stomach and he swallows again, taking a hesitant step toward tyler.

he’s never felt this disgusting in his entire life than when he’s this close to tyler, not even when _her_ fists collided with his cheek and _her_ spit dribbled onto his face from her bloodied, rotten mouth or _her_ shoes were forcibly connecting with his fragile ribcage; he’s gross, and he’s dirty, and he’s tainted, where tyler is pure, and tyler is holy, and tyler is transcendent. he does not belong here. he should have never come here.

tyler looks at him curiously, all soft smiles and bright eyes as he waits for some sort of a response; it’s supposed to come across as a kind notion, forgiving and understanding at josh’s sudden, stiff awkwardness (he’s not any better, and he recognizes when someone’s far out of their comfort zone), but it comes across to josh as harsh and incriminating in the fluorescent lights that shine from the ceiling.

josh swears his stomach drops all the way to his feet, his mind echoing a chorus of he _knows, he knows_ as he looks into tyler’s eyes, drowning in the two dark pools the further he succumbs to his thoughts; he has the beginnings of a headache creeping into his skull, and his own self-depreciating remarks don’t help lessen the pain any as they taunt, _did you really think you could get away with it? he knows, he knows!_

clenching and unclenching his hands into uneasy fists, he looks away from tyler, severing the connection their eyes had made. he is unworthy of holding gazes with a being so holy, so ethereal, when he is such a disgrace to the world surrounding them; tyler is an angel, surely, and josh has fallen from the sky.

“what do you want to drink?” tyler's voice is timid, inquisitive, trying to snap josh out of his reverie. the longer he looks at him, lost in his own world, the more worried and concerned he becomes for his sake. he does his best not to show it, and josh’s eyes refocus hesitantly on him from where he’s been staring at a fixated point on the wall, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “i’ve, uh, got water – and juice, i think. there’s some coke in the pantry, if you like soda –“ he trails off, shrugging emptily with one shoulder. he’s at a loss of what to do, beginning to chew his lip open out of anxiety.

glazed-over eyes meet tyler’s once more, and he suppresses a shudder, heaving in a deep breath. he’s about to call josh’s name when he says nothing, repeat the question in case he hadn’t heard properly, when josh offers up a hesitant smile and carefully squeaks out, “uh. water’s – water’s fine.”

tyler can’t find anything to say. he’s put off by the strange gleam now shining in josh’s eyes, and he wants to ask what he had happened to do wrong, but he bites his tongue before it has the chance to betray him. maybe he hadn’t done anything wrong. being in an unfamiliar place could put anyone at unease.

he turns to the sink, turning on the tap and holding one of the cups under the stream of crystal water; he glances out the window at the treehouse as the first cup fills, and that’s when it clicks. he has a _treehouse_. maybe josh would like to be out of the unfamiliarity of the house and somewhere more open as opposed to something so secluded.

it’s a long shot, but tyler will pretty much try anything, at this point.

“you know, i have a treehouse,” he attempts to make quiet conversation, turning off the tap and glancing over his shoulder at josh. “if you wanna check that out, or something.”

he barely gets the sentence out before josh is near-yelping, “yes,” cheeks turning pink as he realizes just how eager he’d sounded to get out of the house. tyler smiles to himself, glad he got at least one thing right about today.

“okay.”


End file.
